Savoring the Moment

What is it that causes us to 'pause' in the midst of something potentially exciting?  Is it past experiences of disappointment that stop us from savoring the moment?  Is it the fear of heart break?  Is it concern for other's reactions?

Carson sitting up unassisted!

Today I met with Carson's speech therapist Julie.  During our last two appointments, she has been pointing out to me, all the ways she sees Carson 'talking'... duplicating noises, copying our inflection in our words.  Today, she even said to me - he is not non-verbal, he is pre-verbal.


I should have rejoiced in that moment... allowed my heart to soar in hearing our therapist say those words; having hope that Carson is on a journey to speaking.


But instead, I was hesitant.  Are the things she is seeing just a 'fluke'?  Will he continue to grow in his speech?  Is this really the beginning stages of him speaking?


I think today I was saddened by my own response.  I realize that there have been so many ups followed by downs, expectations and hopes dashed, progression then backsliding... that I wasn't able to savor that moment; and that saddened my heart.


As I was thinking about my reaction, the Lord brought my friend Tiffany to mind.  Recently, she experienced the most amazing thing - she saw the very strong heartbeat of her very healthy 12-week baby, growing in her womb.  After the tragic loss of many babies before this one, this first trimester has been very hard for her.... she has gone through many 'hesitations', many times that she hasn't been able to 'savor the moment', all because past experience has shown her that this dream that she is holding in her hands, could pass away.  But now, after seeing and hearing this baby's heartbeat, she can now rejoice in the fact that she is going to be holding her baby in about 6 months!  GOD IS GOOD!

Swinging in a toddler swing
for the first time!

Here I am today - realizing I am living in the moment of fear, of uncertainty... wondering what our 'ultrasound of life' will hold.  I'm making a decision (at least for today), to SAVOR the words of our amazing therapist - that Carson is 'pre-verbal'... that Carson is showing us that he is on his way to speaking words... to have hopes that one day, Carson will deliberately call me mama, to say he loves me, to tell me his needs, to tell me what brings him joy, for him to one day tell me that he has given his life to Jesus. 


Are you holding back from savoring this moment in life, because your past experience leads you to fear?