When the Answer is the Problem

Carson had a VP shunt put in right before he turned 3 months old, two days after Christmas, to help 'treat' his congenital hydrocephalus.  We have gone through so many ups and downs in regards to his shunt over these last 13 months... swelling around his valve because of the shunt placement, increased pressure in his brain and rapid head growth due to a shunt setting being to low, over-drainage of his ventricles causing the brain to pull away from the skull and causing bleeding around his brain.  Its been non-stop.  I think it would be impossible to count the number of MRI's Carson has had.  Carson has been exposed to so much radiation through CT scans and X-rays.... more radiation then I have ever had in my lifetime.


Every time we ride this roller coaster, we begin to feel that maybe surgery should be done to revise (replace) his shunt so that we don't battle with the ups and downs... the constant need to prepare ourselves, our schedules, our family life, our work schedules for surgery, just to have doctors change their minds... to constantly be wondering when Carson is cranky if it could be pressure building in his brain... to be constantly measuring his head for abnormal head growth.... to have to wonder how many surgeries he'll have in his lifetime because of his hydrocephalus.

So we desire surgery just to get an "answer" to the problem we are facing.  The issue is that a new shunt does not make the real problem, the hydrocephalus, go away.  With a new shunt and another surgery, we run the high risk of post-surgery infection, having the new shunt malfunction, over-drainage, increased pressure... a new shunt doesn't remove the risk, doesn't remove the worry, doesn't remove the issue....


The "answer" can quickly turn into just another "problem".....

Carson (few hours old)

So where do we go from here?  What do we do? How do we handle the constant ups and down?  I don't have those answers.


So what do I know?  I know is that God is good.  God loves my son.  God loves me and my family.  God has a plan and a purpose.  So....... as much as I want an "answer", right now I'll just have to continue to remind myself to fix my eyes on Him... the only true Answer to this crazy, overwhelming, discouraging, constantly scary situation.  Lord, when we are looking for an 'answer' to the roller coaster we ride, help us to look to you!


Are you looking for an answer in your life that might very well just be a potential problem?